Feels like only yesterday I had locked my heart away

She had a habit of bottling things up.

No, not things. Emotions.

And before long, the contents were jingling about in the sealed vial, colliding against the glass walls aggressively, not unlike particles of the Brownian motion, defiant to be unleashed and to spill their secrets to the world.

So, she retreated to a quiet corner of her heart, tugged at the cork that secured what was inside the glass prison and held her breath.

She tilted the bottle a little and a tiny blob of flickering light floated gently to her palm. She peered at it. Longing. Ah, she had stowed it well, that one. She didn’t like that feeling, the hollow, incomplete feeling, as if she were a coconut husk left to rot after being scraped of its meat and drained of its juice. Best friends tend to have that effect on people, don’t they?

She blew at it lightly and watched it drift away like a dandelion caught in a spring breeze before allowing another pulsating globule to trickle out. Autophobia. Despite the waves of heat that threatened to drown her every time she stepped under the scorching weather, despite the warmth of the bodies around her, she still felt the chill of knowing that no one beside her was a constant presence. No one was, and no one will ever be. But that did not explain why some people had to leave earlier than others. People she loved most. Chasing dreams had a price, she supposed. Or was it because time was being selfish, was jealous because all it had for friends were hour and second?

The next luminous orb made her smile. Belonging. A feeling that was like an island of peace and content while madness raged around her. A lighthouse standing firmly in the midst of thrashing waves of the sea. She sought it for so long, learnt so much in the course of seeking it, even changed her perspective on certain things along the way, but she finally found it. What used to be alien, was now familiar. What used to be foreign, was now home. There and then, she knew she was going to miss college life when she left it.

Excitement. Her stomach did a somersault at this, her features lit up, as if the illumination from the pellet was bright enough to set her face aglow. It was like queuing for a roller coaster ride, one that resembled her life’s ups and downs. She silently thanked the people who had made this feeling about the path ahead possible, short the period may be. She promised to polish herself to shine, if not just for them. After all, a good semester isn’t just about accomplishing feats and passing with flying colours, it is sometimes about doing a little less of that and more of living life and appreciating those who stand by you.

She poured the remaining contents into her cupped hand, where the mass of shining spheres throbbed in rhythm with her heart. They were too small to be read the emotion they each carried: feelings that had yet manifested. So she spread her fingers, relished in the tickling sensation as they slipped through the gaps and heaved a sigh of relief.

It wasn’t about letting them go, about being void of feelings, it was about sorting them out. Kind of like spring cleaning. Untangling the mess and chucking the emotions into proper shelves where they would stay put till taken out to mull over or savour in. And it was New Year anyway. She didn’t need to start 2010 with knotted wool of emotions in her heart.

She gave herself a satisfied nod as she placed the empty vial at the back of her mind once again.





P.S. I guess you can figure out which bubble you are linked to by now?