Free Fallin'

Be careful of what you wish for. Because life can be an insipid fairy godmother who will gladly grant it by waving a wand tweaked into a distorted angle and what you would be left with, is a pitifully misinterpreted and off-target wish. Well, I am now that unfortunate Cinderella.

Granted, I did not bother to state the specifics when filling in the wish form back in February. It was mid-semester then, during the weeks when endless ungodly assignments and band practices wound us up mercilessly into a compressed bound that threatened to explode if evoked. In the midst of the spinning torpedo of college chores and responsibilities, I remember fervently wishing for the semester break and a little breather and like a broken record, I kept chanting, “When is all this going to end? How long till freedom returns?”  It felt as if I were a race horse and time was riding me, cracking the whip and digging its heels into my flank, urging me to gallop ever faster. All I wished for, was my turn to be the rider and be given the reins.

I got what I wanted, except it was boredom and not freedom. I blame myself for not being methodical or organized. Buried under the madness, I only looked for the light in the tunnel, never thinking about what I would do when I got out into the open. Halfway into my holidays, I still have not had anything planned besides the one trip to the northern state of Penang. After an ideal weekend of reading (I even went to the lengths of securing the leather couch that my mum always dominates and making myself a mug of chocolate to complete the picture) and goofing around with my siblings, reality set in and as I watched my college mates busying themselves with playing in gigs and contacting old friends, I begun to question my idea of a perfect semester break.

You see, I tend to think a lot when I am bored. About my past semester, about lessons learnt, about what I have accomplished, about what I want to achieve, about, well, seemingly everything. Yet, I had never spared a strain of thought for how I would want to fill the gap between one semester and the next. To me, it was the precious transition period during which I could let go, free fall and just be myself. Because sometimes, if finals were cruel, our freedom only spanned slightly over a week, not the 16 days as promised on the schedule.  

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless." - Bill Watterson

I am positive the theory applies to semester breaks as well.

Is it so wrong to just sit and rot at home? I mean, it is not like I had been slacking on practicing my piano and viola. Heck, I played more for the last 4 days than the whole semester of weekends I spent at home added up. And I did the research on my new-handphone-to-be, taught my brother music theory and helped out with some house chores, albeit grudgingly. But that is not my point. My point is, must every semester break be productive? I do understand it is important for self-improvement and mind-strengthening and all that posh-sounding terms, but (and yes, I do have an excuse for this) 14 days are all I have, two short weeks for me to take a deep breath before diving in again. So, give me a break.

Still, the thought of me lazing about with nothing on the agenda bugs my parents more than it does me. Being productive during the holidays is somewhat a vice for them.  I had heard enough stories of their glorious university days to know better than to contravene it.  Maybe that is the difference, while a university would normally be blooming with activities nearing the end of a semester, encouraging students from various courses to come together and link daisy-chains of themselves; a private college would be like a bowl of soup punctured by a tiny hole at the start of the semester, its content trickling out as the weeks flew by and pretty much drained as soon as finals were declared over. At least in most cases.

I am not saying I am entirely guilt-free about my lack of hustling about, or, as they put it, my apathy (I feel slightly remorseful and my reasonably lengthy practicing proves it). I just do not have the mood to venture out of the house. Truth be told, I love being at home, something I have come to appreciate and treasure ever since I started living at the dormitory on weekdays. And holidays allow me to do just that, to simply relax and let my guard down in the only comfort zone I have ever known. 

So, just let me be. Please. Besides…

"Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted." - John Lennon

Dad, your idol has just become my idol.