I am tired of fretting over tiny blemishes on the face of an imperfect day. I am tired of being a crow that picks on every little ruined detail of a scenario went wrong. I am tired of mulling over what would-have-been, could-have-been, should-have-been.
I want to see the bigger picture of everything. I want to take off my specs for a while and blind myself to the ugly nitty-gritty around me. I want to look through a kaleidoscope, not a magnifying glass that only augments the mistakes I made.
Just like I promised myself, 20 will be the year of change in perspective.
I’ll start with today. I passed on both dinner invites, one with Amanda and the other with Derene, because of band practice. I could either have had an awesome meal in some posh place or a sumptuous Japanese meal at Wen Dee’s but I ended up with tidbits from the night market, and spent the rest of the night looping the band song over and over again till it got engraved onto my brains.
I could feel regretful about my choice for a long time if I let myself be. But what would be the point? So I find things to be grateful for, little details that seem petty and insignificant and would definitely be looked over should I decide to mope.
I visited the night market again, after taking a long leave from it since Eu Chern’s rendezvous to my college. I hung out with my band mate and knew her a little better. I dared a new drink, Coconut Milkshake topped with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream. I finally tasted the Taiwan popiah after giving up on it due to the queue many times before. The song my band is working on ran in full cycle 3 times, an accomplishment considering it was only our second practice.
So, yeah.
Of course, there will be times where the wall will appear too high or the river too wide. But at least I know I will keep trying.
Let’s see how far this new preaching of mine can take me. Who knows, I might reach Europe before my 21st birthday.
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